Andrea Lin
Home: Astoria
Age: 21
Height: 5’6”
Weight: 110
Stats: 32B-23-35
Black Cartel

Andrea Lin, one of the country’s hottest Taiwanese imports, is setting up shop in Astoria. 

After traveling the country and the world, she settled down last year in western Queens, and already finds the place to be as cozy and convenient as can be.

 “I needed a place that’s convenient, and feels like home,” she said. “I just go home on the N or W lines.”

Andrea admitted that after a day of teaching dance lessons in Manhattan, or hopping between photo shoots for various modeling projects, there’s not much time to explore the neighborhood. But she’s trying.

She has become a regular at dance clubs throughout the City. She swings her hips to hip-hop, salsa and even ballroom, making her the perfect catch for any music video. When she goes out, she lights up the dance floor with curve fitting outfits and high-heeled shoes.

But when it’s time to unwind, Andrea is all about comfort. The 21-year-old cutie throws on jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers and turns up the classical music during her calm, relaxing moments.

Not that she has many of those. After all, this beauty of many talents also has brains and uses them to keep herself busy.

She designs her own clothes and designs websites as a hobby.

But she is always assured of some alone time on the subway back to Queens after a long day of dancing and photo shoots. While she gazes out the window of the elevated N or W train, she said she thinks about how far she’s come. “It’s exciting. Today I did a commercial for Walgreens,” she told us.

She then thoughtfully gave New York – and Queens – a plug. “This never would have happened in Austin, Texas, or Taiwan.”

Queens: Terrorist State

We know that Queens is a diverse place where people of all kinds of backgrounds are allowed to have all kinds of ideas.

But a terrorist state?

That’s what one nearby funnyman thinks.

John Wooden, a Brooklyn resident, runs a parody website of the executive branch of the government at www.whitehouse.org.

The site is wonderfully deceptive; it’s the most subtle, scathing, hilarious satire of the Republican Party you’ll ever see.

The Queens jab – we’re too busy laughing with Wooden to be offended – comes on the site’s “Arab & Muslim Registration” page, under its fake Department of Homeland Security.

The page has a form in which most fields asking for information aren’t open for any response to be typed in, but are set as drop-down lists in which you can only choose certain responses.

The field for “Middle Eastern Country of Origin” gives you the following options: Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Libya, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Syria, Yemen and, last but not least, “Queens, NY.”

Are you from one of the countries and offended?  Are you from Queens and offended?

Don’t forget, this is a parody of the Grand Old Party.

Are you a Republican and offended?

Get over it!  The ability to criticize is what makes your country great.

The Name Game

    For years, a flower shop right near the Nassau County border in Glen Oaks has provided beautiful arrangements for every occasion – but has a name that doesn’t always provoke thoughts of love and marriage.

    The shop is called Jennifer Flowers.

    Remember good old Jennifer Flowers? The pre-Monica object of our former president’s lustful affections? Was there someone else in-between?

    Well, the management of the Queens flower shop assures the public the store has nothing to do with President Clinton or his love affairs.

    An employee explained that the shop is named for someone named Jennifer, and that’s all there is to it.

            All right, but it’s still funny. Especially because there used to be a Clinton Florist right down the street on the Nassau side. It suddenly closed down recently.  Hmmm. . . .

What You Preach

Call the irony police! 

An assistant to State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer – Lois Booker Williams – thought she had all her crime prevention bases covered when giving a talk to Queens Community Board 4. 

She gave plenty of tips on preventing telemarketing scams, contractual fraud, even stopping identity theft.

Williams was so confident in her crime preventing skills, she left her Christian Dior bag wide open on a table at the far end of the room. Luckily for her, a former police officer and current City Councilman Hiram Monserrate was sitting nearby.

The Tangled Web Of The White House

Hot interns and live camera feeds – it sure sounds like the White House, but imagine the surprise of a QConf staffer when he went on line to find out some information about  George W. Bush and wound up at one of the steamiest websites ever.

While browsing the internet for the White House’s website a QConf reporter recently wound up at www.whitehouse.com. 

We were surprised to see a site with some eye-popping photos that might make even Former President Bill Clinton blush.

This “white house” offered a vastly different tour than the place with the same name in Washington DC, and unlike its namesake home of the most powerful leader on earth, www.whitehouse.com is available to you 24-hours-a-day.

After lengthy research, the reporter realized that typing in www.whitehouse.gov will take you to the internet home of the 43rd President of the United States.

The reporter said he will be even more careful if he finds himself searching the web for info about Congress.