As Mother’s Day passes,
I can’t help but think about
all of the mothers in our community who should get
both Mother’s and Father’s Day cards every year.

I mean, so many people . . . so many men are pissed off about Elian Gonzalez. I hear guys say, "He should be with his father, blah blah blah." But the reality is, there are a lot of our own Elians right here whose dads are probably a stone’s throw away and don’t know who they are or don’t see them that much.

They are little children floating through society, hanging on to whatever they can until they get rescued.

To them, one parent may as well be dead. Some of them are, but many aren’t.

Even though what these children suffer isn’t as quick or merciful, their societal death can be just as lethal . . . to themselves and the people who cross their path. If their mom dies, maybe the dad would step up, but more than likely it will be grand(mom) or auntie who raises them. While we know there is a double standard regarding Elian, what about our own standard for our sons and daughters?

SUMMERTIME: A young Gary Anthony Ramsay huddles with dad outside their St. Albans home.

It is more than just being afraid of child support. It has to be more, to keep so many men from having anything to do with their children. But while we are on the subject, let me tell you how bad the missing money is before we really talk about the missing men.

Only about 20 percent of dads who are "ordered" to pay child support actually do so on a "regular" basis. For families of color nationwide about five million of you owe about . . . now hold on . . . $2.5 billion dollars to your kids, according to a recent study by a national poverty center.

More than 55 percent of those single parent families live at or below the poverty level.

Now that I have your attention...

Forget the money for a second. How much does a phone call cost, a card or letter every once in awhile? Even though now it’s not cool to ignore your kids, it’s still being done by our men.

I make an appeal not just to the men whom this describes but to the people who know men like them. You know who I’m talking about. Just step to them and say something, with all the respect due to someone who allows a name, a heritage, and a legacy to float needlessly through the shark infested waters of life without at least some guidance and encourage-ment. They dishonor themselves as men.

And they aren’t just the men who may be struggling in life. The suit fits the suits, too, who I think should really be ashamed of themselves if they are money and time delinquent.

Now just because I know you’ll ask . . . my kids are thousands of miles from me. But I know who their teachers are, what they like to watch on TV and what toys they like to play with. Does my participation make them perfect kids? Of course not. In fact, there are times when they drive me nuts. But I know they are better kids, better potential contributors to the human experience now, than they would be without me.

And I know that many mothers can’t be real "mothers," if you know what I mean. But I feel that if men do what they can, say what they mean and do what they say, the kids will figure their dads out for themselves, no matter what their "mom" tells them.

There is a baseball field on the east side of Merrick Boulevard, next to Floyd Flake’s original A.M.E. church, where once my dad and I played a one-on-one baseball game, if you can believe it. We did it right before he took a trip. I had to be about six or seven years old — I don’t know for sure — but I remember that silly, lopsided mess till this day. He wasn’t the most touchy feely of dads, but he kept his word to play with me that day . . . which was a standard I held him to as a child and one he kept no matter what else happened between us in our relationship.

As a man now with kids of my own, that is what I hope to pass on to them . . . by being there and keeping my word to them.

If we have kids, whether we like it or not, things come with it, like any job. It is the best career we will have, regardless of whether it’s full-time or part-time. The product, like a great statue or bridge, will outlive us.

But even though some work is required, I’m not saying you should put in a full-time timecard now, if you aren’t doing so already. But start by at least showing up for roll call and take it from there. With some OJT you’ll get the hang of it. With some time, when Father’s Day rolls around, you can get a card of your own and deserve it.