Before the year ends with a laundry list of things undone, I have decided to take care of at least one item outstanding — an apology to single mothers in our community who may have misunderstood some things I said.

A few months ago, I was invited to a party put together by an African American promoter. A New York Times reporter was there doing a story about the promoter and others like him who only invite so--called "upwardly mobile" professional African Americans to their functions. As a person who has been to their functions in the past I was glad to talk about the reasons why I like their events. However, since I was there a while (if you know what I mean), I did not pick the best use of words in making a few points

The article quoted me as saying "We’re not uppity, we like good music like everyone else, I just don’t want to be in an environment where I might get shot," or something close to that. I probably should have left the last part out, even though that is the way I feel.

Having been in establishments where someone pulled out a nickel cadmium auto-matic pistol, and wondering what was going to happen to my family in that mo-ment, I thought it relevant to what I was saying.

It may have been and it may be something under-stood by us, but this was The New York Times. I mistakenly and egregiously fed a stereotype that people in the suburban Tri-State area already have about people of color.

But one line, one regrettable gasp later would come the words that bring me to you, right now. Being a single man, as you already know already, looking for a certain type of woman, I said, "Here I am more likely to find the opposite of me, not a woman with three kids and ex-boyfriends on Rikers."

Even though the quotes were on the second page of the article, it was seen by a number of people. I didn’t get angry phone calls or letters, but over the last few weeks I have been gently teased and chastised over my words. At first I defended what I said but what I have realized is that while my meaning was and probably is understood by most men, the delivery was dreadfully misconstructed.

Maybe most of you never read the article, and hearing the words now may change your opinion of me. I feel it’s worth taking that risk to clear up the matter. Anyone who knows me knows I am not an elitist, "bouregois" or any number generalizations that describe a person who somehow thinks they are better than anyone else. The one thing I have always hoped people could say about me is that I haven’t forgotten where I came from.

In talking to some people since then, I have more of an understanding about how my words were taken by some people who read them.

I really only meant to say that when I’m having a good time I like to feel safe, hear good music have good stimulating conver-sations.

Please understand, I in no way meant to say that women with children were some-how unworthy of my company. That is far from the case; in fact I generally tend to date women with children since it takes the pressure off of having more. Beyond that though and certainly more im-portantly, single moms despite the odds are winning the war in keeping our segment of society together as best they can. To any person who may have been offended by those words, I apologize. I was trying to be quip and funny and I certainly was not.

Enjoy what’s left of this year and get a head start on those resolutions.