Some friends of mine recently wanted to get together and talk. They said they were going to be in my neighborhood and they suggested meeting at a high-priced, Soul food place near me.

I resisted the idea because of my previous experience in the place, but eventually gave in. True to form, the waitress had an attitude and at times seemed to forget we were even at the table.

Forget the fact that prices on the menu were too high for the food we were getting . . .that’s a New York thing. But our group of reasonably successful, black urban professionals could not be served with the dignity and efficiency as the tourists or theater goers right next to us.

You shouldn’t have to be an actor, an athlete or a rap star to be of color and get good service in an African-American restaurant.

This establishment – which will remain nameless – isn’t the only bastion of black-on-black disservice in my experience or in that of other people with whom I’ve spoken about this subject.

It seems that in the continuing tradition of intra-degradation, it may now be likely that an African-American can receive equal or better service in a high- dollar mainstream restaurant than in its urban counterpart.

In another instance, I was attending a goodbye party in another "chosen" place. Some rappers were there, in their Hip-Hop clothes, and were not harassed by manage-ment.

But when a colleague – dressed the same way – walked in, he was told he couldn’t stay. Our limos weren’t parked outside.

I do not mean to make a sweeping generalization — I have eaten in black-owned restaurants where the service was impeccable.

But I have to say, some of those experiences may have been shaded – if you’ll pardon the pun – by the fact that the owners or managers knew who I was and went out of their way to make me feel at home.

I expect that people will roll their eyes in some jobs. I would probably be doing it myself.

But I think when you’re dropping top dollar of hard earned money – not trust fund money – shouldn’t you get what generations of your family sacrificed for – simple courtesy and respect?

You would think that we would understand that more than anyone else, right? Is it my imagination, or do we really have trouble serving each other?

A social science person told me once that it comes from the slavemaster programming that still gives us grief four to five hundred years after its implementation.

He cited a book called the Omnipotent Administrator, which he said talked about how overseers and owners kept order by turning slaves on each other.

Basically, they were telling slaves that no one could take care of them or provide for them more than the white administrators who held power.

It’s supposedly part of the reason why many folks choose white doctors, lawyers, etc.

This phenomenon of mistreating each other has expanded and contracted for a number of reasons over the generations.

But while the Afro-centrism of recent years has reduced or eliminated it in various areas in our culture, restaurant service has provided a hide-out for that behavior.

I love it when our businesses thrive and prosper. But the only control I have in the bad service scenario is the dollar in my pocket.

Now, there are businesses that I will not be caught "dead" in because of bad service — regardless of who runs them. But I used to go to places time and time again only to be subject to the same nonsense, and for what? Some $20 dry chicken I could get in the frozen food section?

Never again.

I won’t be guilted by the words "C’mon man, you know we got to help our people out" if – I say "if" – the establishment has a prior record of whack service.

There is the specter from the other side of the table, so to speak, that we don’t tip well and we tend to be bad customers. That shouldn’t affect how you treat the next person who comes along.

Now if you are a person who makes trouble, yells, tips badly or harasses servers, you get what we pay for.

The rest of us, though, would like to go to our own places...whether it’s a nice eatery, dry cleaner, hair stylist or whatever...and be treated like insiders, not outsiders.

— Gary Anthony Ramsay is a weekend anchor and
journalist on the all-news cable station NY1 and a
long-time resident of Queens.